Flower Hands

 6.01.2021

    'Oh look, he gave you flower hands.' she said grabbing my wrists, turning my palms up. I looked down as flower petals pushed up through my skin. Sprouting like little saplings - across my hands, wrists.  White chrysanthemum petals pushing through the soil of my skin, drops of blood ... trickling down my forearms and pooling at my elbows. The picture was magic & horror. This should hurt terribly, but instead felt like deep peace. We were at a school, some ancient space - a temple and there were many people, men & women. We were milling around this large sandstone built room, tracing out our personal spaces with our belongs strewn about and our small beds, mats on the floors. Did we live here? There was a presence of a man, our teacher near but I could not see him only sense him. In my heart I felt a deep love & a deep sense of relief & also a sense of urgency. I feel bliss-filled.

The experience of this dream has stuck with me for years now, almost 2 years now. These specific types of dreams have a different quality. A sticky, sort of ethereal haze, something sweet and out of grasp. Some knowing. Something forgotten. Maybe something special. This visceral sensation of my hands blooming open re-visits me often in the day-time. A deeply hypnotic dream. 

Addendum 6.18.23

    As I have begun unpacking more experiences & feelings from the last 3-4 years. I come back to the phrase the girl in this dream said. "HE gave you flower hands." Who is he I wonder? In this dream it felt like a guru or a spiritual master we were all scrambling to study or be with. Now I peel back the layers to fully realize how much I wanted to be saved at this time in my life. To be healed. For the pain to go away. For someone to just bless me and hold my hands and make it better. Now I see that this dream, although so beautiful and magically designed - is actually quite disempowering. It also means that my savior is outside of myself. That I need HIM to heal me. That I can't do it myself, or I'm not capable. That I'm searching outside of my own power for answers, searching for HIM.

    As of today - I see, I mean I really see - how I've been trained in every way my whole life to doubt myself, to hate myself, to not trust myself.  Specifically engineers situations flashing before my eyes where this exact transfer occurred in my day-time. How I willingly gave my power away in my life to external people, situations who I thought had a better idea than I did what was going on, that they knew something I didn't, that they could help me or had my best interest at heart.  I now know this is completely false. 

    

    I am calling back all of my misplaced & misdirected power, cancelling all & any agreements/contracts and cutting all energetic cords. I no longer power the machine. My soul is my own. I stand in the radiant sun of my soul.